So here it goes.

I guess I just need to vent some place that no one is going to judge me or worry that I am "not fine". Everyone needs to just let go sometimes. I guess I have never really been very good at that. Opening up and letting it all pour out has never been easy for me. Though I am sure it would have been if I ever had someone I trusted enough to let in to the mess that is my mind. I guess that is why it is so hard for me to do it now. I would have ever guesses in a million years that I could feel for someone the way I do. To crave his touch and his voice so intensely that when I have him close I can hardly catch my breath. I have always had to keep such a hard exterior that this being soft and trusting is so alien  to me. I am ever changing and ever evolving in my own skin. I have my own hopes and dreams,never really thinking I would ever have someone who truly understands and supports me.I was content to just go about things my own way and hope that somewhere along the way I would meet up with people who could stand me and even sympathize to a point. I guess this really is just a page of random rantings.