A day and maybe a year....

On a beautiful day in a calm and beautiful city, I met a beautiful boy with a beautiful smile. The air hung thick with new and exciting emotions and the days seemed too short. I gave my entirety away,sinking ever deeper,surrendering even more. Perfect moments and perfect words sang so deafening in my mind. comfort and warmth. Understanding and hope. A beautiful boy with a beautiful mind made me feel beautiful and defined. Days turned in to weeks in to months. Still I loved my beautiful boy. Forgetting to remember who was in love with who. Forgetting about the world outside of my bedroom window. Slowly my world turned gray, growing colder and more distant. Still I was forgetting. Forgetting and sinking. I reached the bottom and found it all too familiar. I miss the boy with the beautiful soul and I let my heart slowly cave in. I cringed at the empty feeling of my hand without his. Comfortable in my sadness I decided to stay awhile. Dwelling on what was and not seeing what is. Slowly I kicked my feet and drifted upwards towards the color and light. Feeling the warmth on my face again. Embracing what I had, not what I lost. I still feel the absence of the boy and his smile. Though now I am grateful for everything that was mine to hold, even for a moment. There is not one moment of my life I would not give up or change. I see the world through different eyes. Cleansed by tears of joy and sorrow.  I think about this life and smile a beautiful smile.

Summer romance and cold fall feet. Standing naked as bone on your dark and empty street. Speaking with more heart than mind has betrayed me so far. Your ghost grows more faint every passing moment. Less your kiss. Less your touch. Less the voice I've longed to hear so much.My hands ache, My heart longs, but this is this. Missing moments that really do belong. Sleeping to dream the dream but loathing the empty space that is reality. My reality.Go here. Sing this. Dance and forget your fear.Ever working to get my mind to let go. Drinking to hopefully stop thinking. There is so much I want to say................so much................