That little voice.

I am always amazed when things work out for the better. Even though life really is just a sequence of ups and downs. My life never really ever seems to stay at a steady level even though it would not be as exciting. I really do need to focus on the positive things that come my way and just take the negative in stride.  There is so much we as humans take for granted because what? We feel we deserve more? We feel like we are entitled to something better? Or is it something that is just ingrained in to our DNA that makes us want more? I know I am as guilty as anyone else of this, but I am trying to get better about it.
So much seems to be going right. Things are falling into place very nicely,yet there is still that little voice in the back of my head that keeps whispering that I should NO that I deserve something else.I know in my heart that this is not true. I have a home and an amazing job. I have beautiful and caring friends. My side projects are amazing. For the most part I am happy. And I should be! I should be grateful and humbled by the generosity and kindness that I have been shown. For the most part I am. There is just that one little thing that I feel I am missing. That one person I am missing. I know that I am fine alone. I know that what(who) I want is not able to be or would even be good for me. The longing and want still remains. For now I do my best to smile and be friendly. The moments of sadness are fewer everyday. The memory of the touch and the smell grow fainter. I feel like I am getting better at not showing my soft and vulnerable underbelly  to all the wrong people. Someday may never come. I can't wait around or dwell on something that is no longer mine. I don't deserve more than my fair share.